Shout

Everything in life is a choice you make. Even to stand up is a choice, if you want you can just let your legs loose and fall down to the floor. I have been walking the streets in another dimension, feeling like my body is a machine which I don't know how to manage anymore. The cars pass by very close, people walk fast and mysteriously, lights are out, the music in my ears is loud and the only thing I'm trying to do is to keep walking and not let my legs lose control. Control is the word. I have realized that what fucked me up the most these last months is the fact that I lost control of myself. I don't know who I am or what I want anymore. I was so determined when I left, so focused, so in love, so independent that I thought I would never come back, not like this. And now this feeling of being back at the same place I was so many years ago, when I finished school, is frustrating for me. I know eventually I'll get back on track and I know I'm close, but it will be totally different. And I'm terrified I'll get where I want again, in control of my life, independent and free, and something or someone will distract me again. I have to keep that in mind and not let that happen. I must get back on track, get my shit together, put my head up, and leave again. Away, out of my comfort zone, is where I can face myself, look inside my own eyes and evolve.